Finally, the chance to glimpse into the hearts of men and see what they secretly wished their wives knew! Don't miss the chance to know what your husband is really thinking!

What Husbands Wished Their Wives Knew

Last week I shared What Wives Wished Their Husband’s Knew and it was refreshing to have women open up about their needs.  I love when you share your hearts with me! {View that post here}.

Ladies, now it’s your turn to find out what your husband needs from YOU!

That’s right.

Have you ever wondered what your husband secretly wished you knew?  Here's your chance.  This wisdom was written by a man and father and speaks to women on behalf of their husband.  DO NOT miss the chance to gain insight into the heart of your husband!


Today’s post is written by Trent, a godly and devoted husband, father, and seminary graduate, to help us learn what husbands wished their wives knew.

Trent says….

“If I may lead with a disclaimer, I find it tough to speak on behalf of all men.  In answering these questions, I’ve tried to think through conversations I’ve had with other friends and what the Bible says on these things.

I think maybe the most important encouragement is that a wife needs to learn accurate answers to these questions about her own husband.

She doesn’t chiefly need to know about “most men”, she needs to know about her husband.  If reading my thoughts helps in that process, then here you go

What are the top 5 needs of guys?

Men need to be respected.  We need to know that you see us trying, that you see us working hard, that you appreciate even the feeblest efforts at leading and trying to change for the better.

Interestingly, 1 Peter seems to indicate that even unrespectable men (and we all are unrespectable at times) should receive “respectful and pure conduct” from their wives.

Men need to provideWe’re wired to provide.  This is why many of us stress over finances or put in long hours.  There’s certainly such a thing as overdoing it, but it’s not idolatry every time we put in long hours.  Sometimes, it’s a selfless service to our family.

Men need a mission.  Men want to accomplish something.  At our best, the mission is advancing the Gospel and other God-glorifying purposes.  At our worst, it’s conquering a terrible smart phone game (true story, I did that).

Men need refuge.  We need to come home and not feel like we’re still dodging bullets.  We need your support and your ear for what we’re going through.  And sometimes we need some time out with some other dudes to chill out.    

Men need sex.  It’s true.  Sex is not to be a merit system reserved for when you think your husband has earned it.  Nor is it to be taken away as punishment.

Finally, the chance to glimpse into the hearts of men and see what they secretly wished their wives knew!  Don't miss the chance to know what your husband is really thinking!

What do husbands wish their wives understood about them?

Much of this question is answered in the previous question and the next question.

Leading is weighty.

I’m called to be the “chief-sacrificer” in my family, to pour myself out serving my wife like Jesus loved the Church, to lead my family to love and serve Jesus.  That’s weighty.  A lot of thought goes in to that. Most of the time I feel like I’m falling way short.  Because it’s a heavy, weighty task.

What do women do that drive men crazy? (in a bad way!)

Worry.  Sometimes my wife’s worrying and stressing can feel like failure on my part to adequately provide, adequately love, adequately lead, etc.  Sometimes when I say, “Don’t worry.  I’ll take care of it,” I have no idea how I am going to take care of it, but what I mean is, “That weight belongs on my shoulders, not yours.”

Nag.  It’s Someone’s job to bring about conviction in a man.  That Someone is the Holy Spirit.  Let Him deal with bringing about conviction.  That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t voice concerns, but maybe you don’t have to do it every time?

 Publicly disrespect.  This ought to be a non-negotiable.  If you care about any of this, you won’t verbally or non-verbally cut your husband down in public.  If you have an issue, pull him aside and handle it in a way so that no one else knows there’s an issue.  Or just be patient and tell him how you feel later.

Create drama.  There’s enough real problems out there without creating problems out of something someone said or the fact that he was supposed to grab milk on the way home and forgot.

Plan out all his down time.  A few weeks back, my wife said “Hey, we don’t have any plans this Saturday and I thought you might like to keep it that way.”  YES! There’s a time for to-do lists, social functions, and other commitments.  And there’s a time for tinkering in the garage and laying in a hammock.

Spend too much money.  Or ask too often to spend more than budgeted.  Sometimes your husband’s frustrations about money are because inwardly he’s thinking, “I wish I made enough that we could afford that.”

How can wives show their support to their husbands?

Give him room to lead. (And support his efforts even if they start out awkward.)

Commit to respect him.

Let the Holy Spirit deal with him.

Make sure he gets an occasional break, too.

Be frugal.


Friends, did this hit your heart the way it did mine?  Did you groan a little bit, thinking that you’ve missed the mark in one {ok, several} of these? What’s something tangible you can pray about and then act on today to build more into the life of your husband?


  1. I’ve been really working on the money thing. I spend without asking while my husband tells me about everything he spends. A lot of these hit home. I am glad I have never tried to criticize my husband in public. That was one thing we both agreed on very early on and have stuck with. Great post! Following on G+

    1. Thanks for weighing in! I think the money aspect hits home to a lot of women! I know for us, I want to run and hide while he balances the check book. 🙂 Can you relate to that, too? Ha!

  2. Wow, just wow. This was so very good…and convicting. It can speak to women in so many ways. But right now, to me, the fact that my husband needs refuge is breaking my heart. My home could definitely use some more TLC for the man that has to carry a huge load. Great post. Can’t wait to read more.

    1. I know! I think about myself needing a break often, but he comes home tired and deserves a break such as much as me. I need to remember that more!

  3. This is fab! It’s a lot of advice I have given others, as well as some great new things i hadn’t thought of, and so, so true. I very happily shared.

    1. Thanks for sharing, Caroline. I thought he did an amazing job and it helped me tremendously!

  4. Wow… okay, while I’m still smarting from a bit of conviction, this is a fabulous post… I saw several things I could improve on, in just how I think about my husband, never mind when I open my mouth. And deep in my heart I know he’s been my amazing partner but I’ve taken that for granted in many areas.
    Have pinned this one, and will pin the Wives version too I’m sure…
    Thanks for holding a mirror up to my wifely actions…
    *getting down off my high horse for good* 😉
    Blessings for the weekend!

    1. You are not the only one who takes her partner for granted! And friend, I totally hear you about that high-horse! I’ve fallen off mine! Ha!

  5. GREAT Post! I am passionate about respecting my husband. I am not an expert but I truly strive toward this goal! Please see my post and free printable (at the bottom) of scripture regarding this topic. I hope as women we will honor what the Word says regarding our husbands! 🙂

    1. Thanks for the suggestion, Kelly! I love a free printable and posts that are similar in nature! Best wishes!

    1. I agree! It’s hard to take our eyes off ourselves, but when we do, it makes for a happier more fulfilled marriage!

  6. I completely agree! Hubs agreed that he was spot on, and honestly, I needed to hear these things!

  7. I agree! It’s nice to have him remove that burdens from our shoulders, yet I hate to think that sometimes he does it just to protect me. I don’t want him to worry, either!

  8. Great advice! So helpful to hear from a man’s perspective! This is awesome, thanks for sharing!

    1. I agree! It’s so helpful to hear it from a guy. I could never try to figure out what they are thinking and write about it! 🙂

  9. And thank God for all the wonderful wives out there striving to love their husbands. You ladies brightened my day with your comments. God bless…

  10. Great advice and I need to be reminded of most of these. I’m guilty at putting most of my energy into my children and not much in my marriage.

  11. Thank you, Sarah Ann and Trent, for sharing this insightful post. I believe that one of the best things I can do as a wife (aside from praying for my husband) is knowing and then trying to meet his needs.

    Blessings to you and yours.

    1. I agree! This post was eye opening to me, too, and now that I know, I’m trying to make some adjustments in how I do things around our home.

  12. Really great points! I think that the need for refuge is such a big one that wives often forget! Our husbands come home and they are bombarded by nagging or honey-dos, when they need a place to escape.

    1. I agree! But finding balance in that is so hard! I want to lovingly encourage him to do a few things, but how does that not come off as nagging? I’m still working on this!

  13. I agree about public disrespect, but it isn’t supporting your husband to ignore it, even in public, if he disrespects you. (I write that, not as a bitter wife, but as the wife of a husband who always shows me respect.)

    Calling your husband on it and demanding better behavior is what support is, so I would encouragement that behavior.

    1. I understand that respect is mutual. I think that both parties need to create a safe place where one can be free to respectfully correct each other, but just maybe not in public.

  14. I had a lot of ‘ouch, I do that…’ while reading this post. Very convicting, but I appreciate you being honest & sharing from your heart 🙂


  15. This is a good list, Trent. I think you’ve really thought of everything. A great reminder. Thank you!

  16. Thanks so much for this timely post. Even though (or maybe because) my husband and I are older I need to be reminded of the things my husband needs. Blessings

    1. I think it’s easy to fall into a comfortable habit with your spouse and you can easily forget to “see” him! I am SO guilty of this!

  17. This is probably all me. Ouch. But my husband says I don’t nag him-he says I am just reminding him and he needs that. Bless his sweet heart 🙂

    1. Awww…. he is sweet to say you don’t nag! I’m pretty sure mine would not say the same! Ha! I’m working on it, though!

  18. Hello!
    Thank you for this amazing article! I have recently had a life-changing experience that has renewed my faith in God, and I am trying to bring my hubby around to the idea of more faith in our house. This article has some great tips on how to softly bring in God more.

    1. It can be so daunting when we think about us trying to save and lead our men. In reality, God is in control of our lives and family. We need to give Him complete control and not ambush others with Him. I love your idea about”softly” adding God to your home.

  19. Ouch!! After 25 years we’ve worked though most. We say we are in our re-
    firing stage since our son is almost finished with high school, we have more time for us again. Great article!

    1. Congrats on an exciting new stage and blessings to you both as you learn to reconnect!

  20. Such great truths here! Thank you for bravely sharing these. It’s not an easy topic to broach, but these are truths that will boost any marriage and they are great reminder for each and every one of us.

    1. I am so glad it blessed you! I am so fortunate he shared his heart and his wisdom with us and hope he does again soon!

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