What Husbands Wished Their Wives Knew
Last week I shared What Wives Wished Their Husband’s Knew and it was refreshing to have women open up about their needs. I love when you share your hearts with me! {View that post here}.
Ladies, now it’s your turn to find out what your husband needs from YOU!
That’s right.
Today’s post is written by Trent, a godly and devoted husband, father, and seminary graduate, to help us learn what husbands wished their wives knew.
Trent says….
“If I may lead with a disclaimer, I find it tough to speak on behalf of all men. In answering these questions, I’ve tried to think through conversations I’ve had with other friends and what the Bible says on these things.
I think maybe the most important encouragement is that a wife needs to learn accurate answers to these questions about her own husband.
She doesn’t chiefly need to know about “most men”, she needs to know about her husband. If reading my thoughts helps in that process, then here you go
What are the top 5 needs of guys?
Men need to be respected. We need to know that you see us trying, that you see us working hard, that you appreciate even the feeblest efforts at leading and trying to change for the better.
Interestingly, 1 Peter seems to indicate that even unrespectable men (and we all are unrespectable at times) should receive “respectful and pure conduct” from their wives.
Men need to provide. We’re wired to provide. This is why many of us stress over finances or put in long hours. There’s certainly such a thing as overdoing it, but it’s not idolatry every time we put in long hours. Sometimes, it’s a selfless service to our family.
Men need a mission. Men want to accomplish something. At our best, the mission is advancing the Gospel and other God-glorifying purposes. At our worst, it’s conquering a terrible smart phone game (true story, I did that).
Men need refuge. We need to come home and not feel like we’re still dodging bullets. We need your support and your ear for what we’re going through. And sometimes we need some time out with some other dudes to chill out.
Men need sex. It’s true. Sex is not to be a merit system reserved for when you think your husband has earned it. Nor is it to be taken away as punishment.
What do husbands wish their wives understood about them?
Much of this question is answered in the previous question and the next question.
Leading is weighty.
I’m called to be the “chief-sacrificer” in my family, to pour myself out serving my wife like Jesus loved the Church, to lead my family to love and serve Jesus. That’s weighty. A lot of thought goes in to that. Most of the time I feel like I’m falling way short. Because it’s a heavy, weighty task.
What do women do that drive men crazy? (in a bad way!)
Worry. Sometimes my wife’s worrying and stressing can feel like failure on my part to adequately provide, adequately love, adequately lead, etc. Sometimes when I say, “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of it,” I have no idea how I am going to take care of it, but what I mean is, “That weight belongs on my shoulders, not yours.”
Nag. It’s Someone’s job to bring about conviction in a man. That Someone is the Holy Spirit. Let Him deal with bringing about conviction. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t voice concerns, but maybe you don’t have to do it every time?
Publicly disrespect. This ought to be a non-negotiable. If you care about any of this, you won’t verbally or non-verbally cut your husband down in public. If you have an issue, pull him aside and handle it in a way so that no one else knows there’s an issue. Or just be patient and tell him how you feel later.
Create drama. There’s enough real problems out there without creating problems out of something someone said or the fact that he was supposed to grab milk on the way home and forgot.
Plan out all his down time. A few weeks back, my wife said “Hey, we don’t have any plans this Saturday and I thought you might like to keep it that way.” YES! There’s a time for to-do lists, social functions, and other commitments. And there’s a time for tinkering in the garage and laying in a hammock.
Spend too much money. Or ask too often to spend more than budgeted. Sometimes your husband’s frustrations about money are because inwardly he’s thinking, “I wish I made enough that we could afford that.”
How can wives show their support to their husbands?
Give him room to lead. (And support his efforts even if they start out awkward.)
Commit to respect him.
Let the Holy Spirit deal with him.
Make sure he gets an occasional break, too.
Be frugal.
“Etc.”
