The Battle of Mom Guilt
It was the end of Hubs’ long work weekend and I had the kids to myself for three whole days. I know, so many of you deal with MUCH worse and the thought of a long weekend shouldn’t make me want to breathe into a paper bag. But throw in a case of Autism Spectrum Disorder and a toddler that constantly tantrums, and by the end of the weekend, I was daydreaming of life on a Hawaiian Island, alone.
Within minutes of me imagining myself tan and snuggled on a warm beach, the “mom guilt” started. The shameful thoughts of self-loathing for imagining an extended vacation sans children.
I scolded myself for wanting a little freedom from the gifts that God hand-picked for me through the beauty of adoption.
If I REALLY loved my kids, I wouldn’t be looking for the nearest exit.
If I REALLY loved my kids I wouldn’t snap like a twig when the whining starts.
If I REALLY loved my kids, I would be content and satisfied in my role of motherhood, instead of worn out and weary.
That mom guilt was haunting me and making me feel like a failure.
I have a hunch that I am not the only mom who’s felt this way. In fact, in looking back at some conversations I’ve had with friends, most moms experience guilt in some form or another. They wonder…
Am I doing a good enough job raising my kids?
Am I preparing them enough for school?
Have I spent enough time with them one on one?
I long for some free time and need a break, but I feel SO bad about taking one.
While on a break from the kids, I feel guilty the entire time and wonder if they are alright.
I feel like I have lost myself somewhere along the way and would love something just for me.
I’m a working mom, and I feel guilty because I am away from my kids and have to be intentional about quality time.
I’m a SAHM and feel bad because our family had to cut back on expenses and I wonder if I should be doing more to contribute financially.
Do any of these scenarios sound familiar?
While I can’t say there’s a cure for mom guilt or that I have it all figured out, I’ve had a breakthrough on this battle and finally know how to win the war.
Evaluate the situation
It can be hard to be honest and evaluate your reason for guilt. Sometimes you may find that you are over reacting {I come from a long-line of over-reactors so I am with ya, mama!} and that you have no reason to fret. Pray that you’ll be able to focus on God’s truth, not the lies of the evil one meant to cause you to stumble. When I need to be surrounded by Truth, I love Colossians 3: 2, “Set your mind on things above, not on earthly things”. When I focus on God’s Truth instead of my own warped version, He is faithful to reveal the reality of the situation.
But, sometimes that mom guilt is a conviction and pressing from the Holy Spirit, and when I evaluate my situation, I see that change is necessary. For example, if you’re wondering if you spend enough time with your kids, stop and do something about it. Embrace the change that will help you let go of guilt.
Embrace who YOU are
We are all blessed with different talents and abilities. Sometimes mom guilt gets the best of me when I compare our family to another, and question if what I am doing is enough for my children.
Perfection is smoke and mirrors and you don’t have to be saddled with guilt because what another family does looks amazing on the outside. Be proud of who God made YOU to be and relinquish the guilt back to the Lord. He will break those chains that bind.
Give yourself grace
Here’s a fact we tend to forget, we are all human. We will all mess up and there will be “bad mom days”. There will be days we are thrilled when the littles are in bed and the house is quiet. There will be days when we’ve snapped and yelled more times than we can count.
Mama, it’s ok.
Forgive yourself and move on, knowing tomorrow is another day, and knowing that God has banished those bad mom days as far as the east is to the west. He is faithful to provide you with grace, so allow yourself to lay down the burden of guilt.
Remember you’re a person, too
As moms we put ourselves last, sometimes taking the crumbs of what our family leaves behind.
Do you have a tendency to forget you’re a person too, and put your self last until you’re so completely worn and frazzled there’s nothing left to give?
But it shouldn’t be that way.
Yes, we are called to serve our families and our spouses, it just doesn’t mean you have to lose YOU.
YOU are still a person that matters, with wants, needs and desires that don’t have to fall by the wayside when you raise children.
It’s ok to dream and want a life beyond the diapers and the dishes.
Motherhood is beautiful, but don’t lose yourself!
You don’t have to be a slave to mom guilt. When those feelings tug at your heart, may you remember these hints for wrestling with this demon so you can move and experience peace once again!
If you identify with this, you may need to Create a Mom Sanity Plan to help you schedule time for yourself in the hustle and bustle of life.
