When Your Spouse Feels Like a Stranger
The tension was so thick, you could cut the air in our home with a knife.
We were both physically present, but I had never felt further from him.
Shuffling around like polite strangers and tip-toeing around the big issues in our marriage, my heart was shattered, yet I didn’t know how to bridge the gap between us.
I never thought I’d be in a marriage where my spouse feels like a stranger.
Having fought, argued, and lived in frustration for almost three months, we were at a stalemate and I didn’t see a solution for our issues.
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Have you been there, friends? Has your spouse become a stranger and you long to reconnect? Are you wondering if there’s hope for a marriage where you feel like two ships passing in the night?
May these simple steps allow God to heal the gaping wounds in your relationship, just as He used them to heal ours.
Set an appointed time to discuss the issue
When dealing with anger and frustration with your spouse, it’s easy to slip back into the same arguments, fly off the handle, and say things you’ll regret.
In our marriage, it’s been helpful to set a specific time to talk, so we can both gather our thoughts and plan what we want to say in advance. Sometimes I even write down my feelings to be able to communicate with him better.
When this happens we’re more likely to make progress on the issue then if we jumped into a heated discussion with both our fuses lit.
Pray together
Nothing diffuses anger like uniting two hearts in prayer. When angry or irritated, step away from the feelings of the situation, and pray together.
If your spouse won’t pray with you, than hit your knees yourself, bringing your marriage before the throne of the Lord; trusting that He is able to bring about healing.
Seek wisdom
When I’m mad and seething, I admit that I don’t always see the truth of a situation. I’m not always clear headed, and can be blinded by my own feelings and viewpoint of the story. Sharing your heart with an honest friend, counselor or church staff will help you get an unbiased opinion and hopefully truthful counsel.
In our case, after seeking wisdom, I realized that while I was wronged, I needed to forgive and offer grace in order for our marriage to move on.
It was not easy to swallow, but sometimes the truth hurts and can present glaring flaws in your own feelings of justification.
Let It Go
When I realized I needed to forgive Hubs, I had to truly let it go. Forever.
I couldn’t use the situation as a weapon when I was angry or upset.
I couldn’t think about the issue and harbor bitterness in my heart towards him after I claimed to forgive.
I couldn’t hold a grudge against him, never truly letting God heal me from this hurt.
Friends, when we claim to forgive, we have to let God fully take our pain and our burdens, and be ready to lay them down at His feet once and for all.
And when those feelings of ill-will threaten to consume again, pray that God will remind you to freely extend grace the way it was lavished upon you at the cross.
Reconnect
Sometimes in the midst of issues or seasons of distance, spouses need to reconnect and spend quality time together.
There’s nothing like laughter and fun to mend a hurting heart and reunite two spirits, even if it’s forced and a little awkward at first.
Don’t let the evil one manipulate your marriage into being a cold and remiss place while you work through your issues. Taking a break from the tension will help foster an environment of security and trust in uncertain times.
Plus, it’s always refreshing when that old spark comes back and you realize just how committed you are to your spouse!
So when your spouse feel like a stranger, know that there is hope and you can go on to have a happy and healthy marriage!
Whether you enjoy a night on the town or in the comfort of your own home, make a point to talk, laugh, and enjoy each other, even if you’re in a season of distance from each other.
Resources for Reconnecting
The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of GodSacred Marriage: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?
Marriage God’s Way: A Biblical Recipe for Healthy, Joyful, Christ-Centered Relationships
Whether you’re locked in a current stalemate or navigating a rough patch in your relationship, remember that you don’t have to stay stuck. There is hope and rekindling your relationship is possible! God’s grace can heal all wounds!
How do you reconnect with your spouse after a season of struggle and silence? Please do share how you bridge the gap between you in your marriage.
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