I first heard the phrase, “serving your spouse” as a newly engaged young woman, ready to plan our wedding and start my life with the man of my dreams.
“Serve my husband?”, I thought. Of COURSE I would lovingly serve him everyday for the rest of my life. He’s my soul mate and there is nothing that I want more than to serve him!
Fast forward twelve happily married years and if I am honest, there are days that serving him can’t compete with the needs of demanding children and a busy life.
There are times when serving him is the last thing on my heart after a long day. The poor soul sometimes gets the leftovers of me, where I’m too tired to think about anything else other than a hot bath and clean sheets.
But a marriage should be more than two ships passing in the night, with more than a peck on the cheek and half-hearted hug every day.
After God, your relationship with your spouse should be your top priority. While it’s tempting to let the crying and demands of children high jack your marriage, it’s time to fight for your relationship with intentionally serving and blessing you spouse.
That’s right. The way to connect with your spouse is to find ways to serve him, even putting his own needs above your own.
It’s more than a little humbling to think the word service should be at the core of our marriage, and we should seek to serve our spouses without expecting anything out of it.
Some of you may be shaking your head, wondering if I’ve gone a little mad. Some of you may even be thinking…
Doesn’t she know this is the age of the modern woman, in which we seek to be as independent as possible apart from our husbands?
You have no idea who my husband is or what he’s done. Why am I supposed to serve?
What about me? He’s never thoughtful about my needs and when’s the last time he’s served me?
Friends, we live in a society full of self-seekers, where the popular notion is to please ourselves and to put ourselves in front of the needs of others.
We live a world where females are told that being a servant is sexist and that we need to continually demonstrate our equality.
Yet that thought process is warped and poisonous to marriage. Self-centeredness is what leads to the disintegration of the marriage unit and the severing of ties between two who were joined for a lifetime.
Why should we serve?
Biblically we are called to serve our spouses no matter what. God says, “Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in it’s various forms.” 1 Peter 4:10
It may seem against human nature to put the needs of others in front of our own, but God will change your heart and attitude towards the idea of servant hood.
How should we serve?
Let’s clarify, though. Serving someone doesn’t mean you’re their servant, where you have no rights or needs of your own.
The idea of service has gotten a bad rap in our modern times; and some think it’s absurd that one would voluntarily serve another.
Service is putting someone else’s needs above your own, valuing them more than you value yourself, and accepting them for who they truly are.
Service is not at all like the grand gestures of love in the movies.
Service is the small gestures that often go unnoticed.
Service is giving humbly without expecting in return.
Service can be found in the small ways you love him day after day.
Service is the meal made with love and with a joyful spirit.
Service is biting your tongue when you want to offer a smart reply.
Service is accepting him who he is, flaws and all, and choosing to stand by him anyways.
Service is offering grace in times when he messes up.
Service is setting the coffee so it will be ready when he wakes after a long night of work.
Service is letting him have the last piece of pizza when you really wanted it.
What happens when we serve?
When we truly and humbly serve our spouse, we show Him glimpses of God’s heart and character, and strengthen our marriage one small act at a time.
When we are intentional about serving, we demonstrate our love and bestow worth, value, and respect on our spouse.
When we look towards serving him, we demonstrate characteristics of the ultimate servant, Jesus.
It is through our greatest example of servant hood, that we can find joy in serving our husband and in serving him, we find fulfillment in his happiness.
How’s your servant heart?
As you evaluate your marriage, do you need to plan more intentional acts of service towards your spouse?
Do you do them with a loving heart and joyful attitude?
If you realize you may be falling a little short in this area, it’s never too late to jump in and bless your spouse. You can reignite your marriage with this simple concept!
What’s your favorite way you serve your spouse?