• Don't let these 3 mom personalities stand in the way of a happy home! There is hope, mama!

3 Mom Personalities that Harm the Family

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The shrill cry of the alarm clock pierced through my dream and I awoke startled, not ready to get out of bed and be an adult.

I stumbled to the kitchen, needing more than a little coffee and whole lot of Jesus to start this day.

Desperate to hear from the Lord and have him snap me out of my funk, I opened my Bible to Proverbs 31:10-31, where it describes the makings of a godly woman.

Mom, are you guilty of one of these three mom personalities that harm the family?  There is hope.  Here's how to overcome those traits and have a peaceful home.

 

“Ouch,” I thought!  I have seriously missed the mark and know this standard of womanhood is one I struggle to keep.

As I think further about this daunting charge, I realize I’m not the only who has greatly missed the mark on striving towards being a P31 woman.

In fact, I look around and wonder why many of us have fallen away from God’s design for wives and mothers.

There seems to be three harmful mom personalities that have emerged in modern times, and each one is detrimental to the family unit in its own way.

 

 

Don't let these 3 mom personalities stand in the way of a happy home!  There is hope, mama!

The Supermom

Definition: The woman who wants to do-it all and be all, for her family and others. She strives to put her best foot forward, although has an unhealthy obsession with the need to be perfect.

The Damage: How can a woman wanting to please and take care of her family be a bad thing?  After all, the Proverbs 31 woman almost resembles a Super Mom, doing it all and being the heart of the home.

The damage comes when there is a desire for self to be glorified, complimented and patted on the back.

When the works become a cry for self-recognition and take the focus off of glorifying God, the Super Mom no longer builds her family up.

The Super Mom, needing the approval of others and taking delight in praise, may not realize her intentions.  She may chock up her actions to being a perfectionist, and not realize her value and worth is coming in recognition from others, not from God.

Plus, this sets an unhealthy tone for her daughters, teaching them that in order to be a good mom or wife, you have to do it all, and perfectly.

The Control Freak

Definition: Someone who needs to be in charge and in control at all times.  Letting others make decisions and take over is a struggle for her.

Damage: Liking a calm, peaceful environment isn’t an issue, until one has an unhealthy obsession with control.

Control issues can causes anxiety when things don’t line up according to plan, and one can easily take over, trying to do God’s job.

A control freak tries to control the path of her life, as opposed to trusting that God as a plan and following His path.

She can easily make herself an idol, thinking she knows best, and stand in her own strength, rather than relying on God.

Conflicts in the marriage may arise when the control freak tries to be the head of the household.  God designed the man be the head of the house, yet the Control Freak struggles because she desires to be in charge, and does not want to let him lead.

The Critical Spirit

Definition: This woman is critical of her family and others around her.  She complains often and has a judgmental spirit.

Damage:  The last thing a woman wants is her family to walk on egg-shells around her and to be on guard because they never know if her Critical Spirit will emerge.

But the woman with the Critical Spirit does more damage to her family than she realizes.

The husband may not feel supported or be able to share his opinion if his wife constantly nags.  Nagging leads to irritability and resentment, which erodes the bonds of the family unit.

Her children will model the critical words they hear, and in turn, may have a critical spirit themselves. They may also feel criticized and picked apart, believing they don’t have value and don’t do many things right.

When the woman is a “clanging symbol”, there’s not peace and relaxation in the home, but conflict and confrontation.

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It’s filled with godly wisdom, practical tips and a over 50 pages of course material to master those anger-filled moments for good.  You don’t have to be a slave to the critical spirit anymore!

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How to Tame Harmful Mom Personalities Faith Along the Way

Steps Towards Change

Ladies, are you uncomfortable?  Do you look at these and cringe a little, seeing yourself in one of these women?

Honestly, I see myself in each one, at different seasons of my life and embarrassingly, sometimes all three together.

Yet, this is not who I want to be, and I guessing you are the same way.

I desire to be a blessing and have a strong bond with my family.

While I don’t have the answers, I do know that God is faithful to provide change when we seek Him wholeheartedly.

As I pray through God changing my own heart, I’ve found the 4 S’s help when I’m caught in one of these traps.

1. STOP: Learn to stop and recognize when you are not acting like a P31 woman.

2. SUBMIT: Pray that God will help you wrestle these actions as you submit your heart to Him.

3. SCRIPTURE: Memorize Scripture that resets your mind and helps refocus your heart.

4. START AGAIN: Give yourself grace, ask for forgiveness if necessary, and move on.

God can restore our lives and rebuild damage done to our families through our actions.

While we may never see ourselves as the Proverbs 31 woman, we can trust that God will change our hearts and lives when we let Him, and we can have a strong bond with our family again!

Do you see yourself as one of these women? Regardless of which mom you identify with, you can change the atmosphere of your home and family!

 

About Sarah Ann

Sarah Ann is a perfectly imperfect wife and mother, and is thankful for the saving grace of the Lord. When she’s not busy folding yet another load of laundry or comforting a crying child, she enjoys studying God’s Word, writing, and spending time with authentic friends. She's passionate about equipping women to live with intentional faith, family, home, and habits at Proverbs31Mentor.com. Join her for biblical encouragement and practical lifestyle tips to help you live on mission for the glory of God.

56 Comments

  • comment-avatar
    Starla J @ Pressing In and Pressing In April 7, 2015 (7:43 am)

    This hit home. I was praying about the “super mom” thing today. Thanks for posting my friend.
    Starla J @ Pressing In and Pressing In recently posted…6 Ways to Improve Your Attitude.My Profile

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann April 7, 2015 (4:36 pm)

      I know exactly what you mean! I’m praying about all three! Uh-oh!

  • comment-avatar
    Giftie Etcetera April 7, 2015 (8:54 am)

    I am sometimes guilty of each of these. I’m a work in progress.
    Giftie Etcetera recently posted…Your Values, My KidsMy Profile

  • comment-avatar
    Simply Rachel April 7, 2015 (11:12 am)

    I was JUST talking to with my husband the other night about my desire to be the Proverbs 31 woman! What a great post! I see myself in these categories… even though I do strive for balance and a gentle spirit (I wonder if that will EVER happen??). I fail miserably daily, but I’ve learned to not dwell on it – and like you said, START OVER! Thank GOD for his mercy and continual forgiveness! Love this post!
    Simply Rachel recently posted…Spring Floral WreathMy Profile

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann April 7, 2015 (4:34 pm)

      I hear you on the failing!! Just when I think I’ve come a long way, I’m reminded how far I have to go. Thank God for grace!!!

  • comment-avatar
    brandi @ penguinsinpink April 7, 2015 (12:36 pm)

    I too fall into these categories at times. And painfully sometimes at the same time! I love this post! It was just what I needed to read.
    brandi @ penguinsinpink recently posted…Blogging Goals, Stats, and Tips for MarchMy Profile

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann April 7, 2015 (4:33 pm)

      Thank you! I am so glad it encouraged you! 🙂

  • comment-avatar
    Jennifer DeFrates April 7, 2015 (1:15 pm)

    Oh boy, talk about convicting. I’ve been all three of these at the same time most of my life. I thought I was doing all the “right” stuff. Turns out, the stuff wasn’t wrong, but my attitude was. Funny how when we’re spirit focused, doing the exact same ‘things’ yields such different results. I’m in recovery and occasionally relapse, but God is really working on my heart in such huge ways. I hope someday to be able to look at the road I’m on and barely see these three in the distance. 😉
    Jennifer DeFrates recently posted…Bad Mommy?My Profile

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann April 7, 2015 (4:32 pm)

      I love the idea of being on the road to recovery, because that’s how are we all are in Christ. We need His healing and His recovery to attempt to change. While we’ll never achieve the status of perfection, we can change for the better of our family with His help!

  • comment-avatar
    Starla J. @ Pressing In and Pressing On April 7, 2015 (3:57 pm)

    I had a discipline moment with God this morning on being a Supermom with entitlement feelings. Your post just further confirmed my need to get this right with God. Thanks my friend.
    Starla J. @ Pressing In and Pressing On recently posted…The Problem with Being Supermom.My Profile

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann April 7, 2015 (4:30 pm)

      I understand! I was under heavy conviction writing this! I’m kind of glad to know I’m not alone!

  • comment-avatar
    Nina April 7, 2015 (4:40 pm)

    Great article, I grew up with a mom who was a combination of all three and I suffered the negatives that you mentioned.

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann April 7, 2015 (9:19 pm)

      I bet you learned first hand about each of these moms and made some changes in your own life because of it. 🙂

  • comment-avatar
    Emily April 8, 2015 (8:06 am)

    STOP, SUBMIT, SCRIPTURE, START AGAIN…love that! What a great tool.
    Emily recently posted…For Your Reading Pleasure…Links and Books 7My Profile

  • comment-avatar
    Grace Houle April 8, 2015 (8:36 am)

    I love the way you write. And always appreciate that you keep God at the focus of the transformation, because He really is the only way to change out of these bad habits. (John 15:5) “Apart from God we can do nothing.”

  • comment-avatar
    Sarah Koontz {Grounded & Surrounded} April 8, 2015 (9:38 am)

    I love this Sarah Ann! You don’t just give us a wake up call, you tell us what we can do to become better moms. I especially love the graphics and the 4 steps we can take to get back on track!
    Sarah Koontz {Grounded & Surrounded} recently posted…10 Healthy Living Tips for Autoimmune DisordersMy Profile

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann April 9, 2015 (10:35 pm)

      Thank you so much, Sarah! I always love an action plan that I can tackle and with God’s help, come out on the other side!

  • comment-avatar
    Maria Hass April 8, 2015 (2:32 pm)

    I’m the critical mom, for sure. I think it’s because I had a critical mom. No excuse, however, and I’m catching myself and learning to do as you say – stop, submit, scripture, and start again! Thank you so much for sharing!
    Maria Hass recently posted…The Force is Strong in This One…My Profile

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann April 9, 2015 (10:34 pm)

      I understand! I love how you mentioned no excuses and I think that is half of the battle right there, admitting when we aren’t acting the way we should be. Good for you!

  • comment-avatar
    Takisha April 8, 2015 (11:00 pm)

    This is so me!!!!
    I wanted to stop reading but I didn’t 😀
    I am constantly checking myself. Allow the kids to mess up every now and then… Allow myself to relax and allow them to see me have fun. Thanks for this post. I really needed this.

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann April 9, 2015 (10:32 pm)

      Me, too! I was writing this, convicted the whole entire time. But I’m thankful for grace, and while I’m not perfect, God is faithful to forgive.

  • comment-avatar
    Tyra April 10, 2015 (7:45 am)

    Yup, I can certainly identify here. I’m so glad the Lord has graciously worked with me to free me from Super Mommy and Control Freak Mommy but Critical Mommy rears her head every now and again. But when she does, he graciously reminds me to be gentle and to see the best in my husband and children. Happy to be visiting from Grace & Truth.
    Tyra recently posted…Kale: The Mean GreenMy Profile

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann April 10, 2015 (7:56 am)

      I completely understand! I am praying through the Critical Mommy too and I’m afraid she reared her ugly head yesterday. I’m praying through my actions and that she doesn’t come back today!

  • comment-avatar
    Kaylene Yoder April 10, 2015 (8:17 am)

    Hi, Sarah! Thanks so much for this great post. I have had to read it twice now since you published it. I see myself in all of them. Ugh! I will be featuring this post next week at Grace & Truth Linkup! :)Blessings!

  • comment-avatar
    Caroline Cordle April 10, 2015 (4:48 pm)

    I’ve had a tough week, with so many challenges, but I know the third one is me. I guess my feeling of “discomfort” needs to wiggle a bit deeper. I needed to hear it, so thank you. as a mother of 8, I hear people say I am a “super mum”, and I HATE it. I know my heart, and I know I am not. Thank you for your post.
    Caroline Cordle recently posted…God – the only life-giver {when things look dead}My Profile

  • comment-avatar
    karen April 11, 2015 (6:15 am)

    I tend to try to control things as I work fulltime and need to get more done in little time,but I do need to stop and listen to my heart and my family. Happy Saturday Sharefest

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann April 14, 2015 (4:03 pm)

      I am the same way, but we have to find a way not to do it all, but manage more effectively. Suggestions??

  • comment-avatar
    Janelle@The Peaceful Haven April 11, 2015 (9:29 am)

    I struggle with trying to be supermom! The root of which is sin…I am often more concerned with what other people think of me than what my precious savior thinks of me! I am so thankful God is so patient with me! Thanks for another EXCELLENT post!
    Janelle@The Peaceful Haven recently posted…Delectable Gluten Free Fresh Pear and Greens SaladMy Profile

  • comment-avatar
    Bonnie Lyn Smith April 11, 2015 (1:06 pm)

    Wow, Sarah Ann…yes, yes, and more yes! I read “The Mom Factor” years ago by Cloud and Townsend. I’ve done a lot of work over the past decade and a half to work myself out of any of these patterns. They are always at the ready for any of us…really easy temptations women face when up against a culture that glorifies some of this. Love that you offered solutions as well. Well done! Great topic to get out there! I will share it!
    Bonnie Lyn Smith recently posted…What I Learned at the IEP RoundtableMy Profile

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann April 11, 2015 (4:15 pm)

      Oh yes! I agree! I still post pictures to social media like everyone else, yet I always question my intentions. May He be glorified, not me. Thanks for sharing!

  • comment-avatar
    Brandy @ Our Thrifty Home April 11, 2015 (10:26 pm)

    This was a great post! I often struggle with the super mom syndrome. I’m always struggling to “get it all done.” It’s amazing how these 3 battles are battles for so many.

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann April 12, 2015 (2:13 pm)

      Me, too Brandi! I really struggle with it a lot!!! 🙂

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann April 13, 2015 (3:45 pm)

      Me, too! And for the record, I never have things all done!

  • comment-avatar
    crystal April 13, 2015 (4:31 pm)

    I used to be the super mom type. I think God gave me a difficult child for humility.
    crystal recently posted…Hey Organized People, Quit Taunting MeMy Profile

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann April 14, 2015 (4:01 pm)

      OH YES! I am there with you and could not agree more. It’s so funny how that happens…

  • comment-avatar
    Heather @ My Overflowing Cup April 15, 2015 (11:51 pm)

    Yikes! Though I can identify, at times, with all 3, the first 2 are big ones for me.

    Love your tips. I try to remind myself on a daily basis that my job is to be conformed to the image of Christ. To do that, I need to not only try to see things and people the way He does, but I need to remain moldable and teachable.

    It’s not an easy feat, but our families and our witnesses rely on us doing just that.
    Thanks for the thoughtful post!
    Heather @ My Overflowing Cup recently posted…Praying with Resurrection FaithMy Profile

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann April 17, 2015 (11:05 am)

      Great advice, Heather! That a perfect reminder to think about how we are conformed by Christ and only through His strength can I improve!

  • comment-avatar
    KC April 16, 2015 (3:00 am)

    I can have struggles with the supermom at times, but have gotten better through the grace of God! Thanks for the reminder and encouragement. Visiting from Grace and Truth
    KC recently posted…Same Foundation, Different GiftsMy Profile

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann April 17, 2015 (11:03 am)

      Thanks for stopping by! I struggle with all three, so I know what you are feeling. One day I’ll look back and hopefully see how far God has brought me!

  • comment-avatar
    Jenn April 16, 2015 (10:54 pm)

    Sarah, Love love LOVE this post. I’m ashamed to say critical spirit mom is me way too often. I have often referred to myself as that dripping wife. Sigh.
    Thanks so much for the reminder to be the wife and mom that God calls me to be!!!
    Also, thanks for linking up with us at Grace&Truth! I will be featuring your post tomorrow!
    Jenn recently posted…Grace of God {Movie Review}My Profile

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann April 17, 2015 (10:58 am)

      Me, too! I fight this issue daily, but am so thankful for grace and the chance to start again.

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  • comment-avatar
    Michele Morin April 17, 2015 (8:24 am)

    Not only is this great information, but you did such a great job presenting it in a form that I will remember! Thanks for sharing it and congratulations on being featured at Grace and Truth this week!
    Michele Morin recently posted…Pay AttentionMy Profile

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann April 17, 2015 (10:57 am)

      Michele,

      You are so kind! Thank you for the encouragement and your kindness. God bless!

  • comment-avatar
    dawn April 17, 2015 (11:43 am)

    I definitely cringed when I read some of those descriptions, because I did see myself. I’m so thankful that God does not leave us on our own though, to make the changes necessary to be a God honoring wife and mother. These are good fixes that you pointed out. Thank you for these motivating and encouraging words.

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann April 17, 2015 (9:07 pm)

      You are not alone, Dawn! Most women can identify with one of these and are praying for change!

  • comment-avatar
    Christina April 22, 2015 (2:49 pm)

    Sarah Ann,

    Great post that hits home. Working on this for years, and just when I think I’m completely cured, one of the three will emerge. I sigh when the Holy Spirit reveals it to me and it gets so much easier as I kept my focus on Him and off of me. Like how you use the 4 S’s as a reminder.

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann April 22, 2015 (8:53 pm)

      I am the same way, Christina! Just when I think I get something under control is about the time I start struggling with it again!

  • comment-avatar
    Misty@ Joy in the Journey January 27, 2016 (2:52 pm)

    Can I say ouch? I’ve been EACH One of these at some point or another….

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann March 21, 2016 (8:01 am)

      Me, too! I need LOTS of prayer and grace!

  • comment-avatar
    Yvonne D Warthen February 26, 2016 (10:00 pm)

    What conviction. I don’t limit myself to the family. A lot to pray about.

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann March 21, 2016 (8:00 am)

      Oh,yes! These are just as dangerous outside of the home, too!

  • comment-avatar
    Cheryl @The Long Way to Go April 12, 2016 (8:15 am)

    During my 32 years of mothering, I have been all three of these types at different seasons of my life. But praise the Lord He doesn’t leave us to flounder in our own muck! It truly is about seeking Him and submitting to His will. Great post Sarah Ann!

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann April 13, 2016 (12:32 pm)

      Thank you, Cheryl! I’m SO thankful for His grace in each and every season of motherhood!