When a Loved One Battles Depression
Depression.
It can be a silent struggle, one masked by fake smiles and happy Facebook posts.
It can be a dangerous, life-altering battle.
It is real and should not be ignored.
Right now, depression is an unwelcome guest in my family as my sister fights this demon every day.
Younger than me by 9 years, our bond as best friends is surprising, but she is the most real person I know. I love her heart, her witty sense of humor and sarcastic edge. She keeps me in stiches while always bringing me back to God’s truth.
But right now, she is broken and suffering with a depression larger than herself, and struggling at some points to make it through the day. As her family and faithful best friend, I’ve been on my knees for her while searching for ways to minister to her hurting heart.
Here’s what we as a family have been doing to to support her in this season of her life, and may these tips help you help a loved one in need.
Offer a safe place to talk without judgment.
As sisters and besties, we tell each other everything, even our darkest thoughts. She was, though, very hesitant to share this battle with me. To her, it was painful to admit that she didn’t have it all together and she thought that she failed herself and her family. Once she saw that we openly accept her as she is, depression and all, she started sharing more of her sorrow. She is not afraid to call me on those ‘dark days’ and is even starting to ask for help. Our family respects that depression is a real illness and don’t take it lightly. We believe in creating a safe place where she can share her heart and know that she is loved.
On hard days, check in often.
Last week she had some dark days; days that threatened to consume and where she listened to the evil one whisper lies of untruth. She felt unworthy of her family. She felt that she was a failure. She felt she had no purpose. She felt that she couldn’t do life anymore. Those days filled me with fear and I touched base with her often. Sometimes I would find her in tears, drowning in the mundane of the everyday, unable to go on as she usually does. Sometimes, I would find her managing and juggling life just fine. Either way, on those dark days, don’t be afraid to be a little intrusive and keep in touch as a life line of support.
Encourage your loved one to get help.
Asking for help is the first step towards healing. I’m thankful that she was willing to go to counseling without much convincing. Even with a solid biblical counselor, she is realizing that she needs more extensive help. After the tough times last week, she is considering medicinal support or using Essential Oils. My sweet friend, Stephanie, swears by Essential Oils and would love to answer your questions about Essential Oils. You can visit her Do Terra site here and pick her brain about which Essential Oils are right for you!
Find ways to alleviate tasks that overwhelm and are triggers.
Being a servant for someone who struggles with depression is exactly what Jesus what do. He would love them, encourage them and roll up his sleeves to get his hands dirty. Depression can paralyze someone, like my sweet sister, and as the body of Christ, we need to take action. Dive into servant hood by cleaning their house, babysitting their kids, running errands, cooking dinner, etc…. When a chore is checked off a to-do list, that’s one less item that threatens to overwhelm someone struggling with depression.
Encourage him/her to make a list of truths for when those difficult moments come.
I am a firm believer in making a “list of truths” so when I am unable to distinguish between God’s truth and the lies of the evil one, I have something tangible at my fingertips to remind me of God’s promises. {You can see my list of truths here}. I encouraged my sister to do the same and hers has statements such as these:
God is faithful to bring me peace and strength to face these hard moments.
Jesus died on the cross to free me from the chains of depression and fear.
God has a beautiful plan for my life.
God will be faithful to reveal his plan for me and show me the path to take.
God promised he will never leave me or forsake me.
Depression is only a season and does not define me.
Remind him/her that even in depression, there are still consequences and every person is still accountable for his/her actions.
Actions have consequences, despite being in a season of pain and suffering. In the fog of depression, sometimes thoughts are not rational or grounded in truth. Beware of actions that have life-long detrimental consequences.
Encourage him/her to make a plan of healing, and take steps that will help him/her feel better.
My sisters healing plan includes: exercise, counseling, reading her Bible, prayer, talking with loved ones, doing one thing for herself everyday, and doing one thing to take care of her house everyday. When she is having a dark day, she has options which help her cope a little more. This plan of healing may help alleviate stress or triggers of her anxiety and help her find balance a mist chaos.
Pray, pray, pray
I am on my knees for my sister, sometimes literally. I pray for her throughout the day, recognizing that God’s peace can break through any darkness she has and can use this season for his glory. I point her to the Word of God in moments of true sorrow and love to share 7 Bible Verses for the Hurting Heart with her. Just as she needs to trust God, so I need to lay her brokenness before the Lord, remembering to trust in his perfect love for her.
Who do you know has or is currently battling depression? What are ways that you have ministered to a loved one struggling with this season of life? May these tips help you help a loved one who is hurting and in need of extra TLC.
