Lessons from Autism: Amazing Grace

I’m a singer at heart, although I am pretty sure I wouldn’t make it through the blooper round of American Idol. Out of habit, I burst into song at random times throughout the day and even make up words to popular tunes to entertain my little loves. While my kids are my favorite audience, they’ve started asking me NOT to sing. Oh my! How at 2 and 4 did they already grow tired of my voice? I love sharing old hymns and songs of faith with my babies, since one my favorite ways to connect with God is through worship. When words evade me in prayer or I struggle to connect to the Bible, a song always stirs my soul and moves me towards the presence of the Lord. Sometimes, I find my hands raised high, eyes closed, belting slightly off-key and I’m completely lost giving thanks to my God for His mighty presence.

The song Amazing Grace has always been a favorite. It reminds me of where I came from; a teenager who had no idea how lost she was. At the tender age of 15 I had no idea I wanted, let alone needed, a relationship with God. I certainly wasn’t looking for it, but when God calls you to be His, there is nothing to do but follow Him.

Maybe it’s the lyrics of that old hymn that captures me or the sweet melody that holds my heart, but I’ve always been fascinated at the concept of grace. According to Biblestudytools.com (my new favorite site!), grace is: fogiveness, repentance, regeneration and salvation.

I am who I am today because of grace. I am so thankful my sins were washed as white as snow the minute I admitted my need for a Savior and asked Him to save my lost spirit. That cold December day, I emerged a new creation in Christ and I was set free from the bondage of sin. PRAISE.THE.LORD!!!!

Sometimes, I don’t live in that freedom and become easily irritated and frustrated with my family, especially my Joy who struggles to manage her Autistic behaviors. Even though Jesus gave me grace freely and is always ready to my forgive the multitude of imperfections, I don’t treat others that same way and fall short to shower lavishly with forgiveness.

But there is something life-altering about parenting a child who is out of control, and loving a child whom on some days you can’t help or reach.

There’s something about holding her as she screams in the middle of the night because she can’t sleep.

There’s something about prying your bloody finger out of her mouth because she bit you so hard and wouldn’t let go.

There’s something about the madness of our everyday life that reminds me of God’s grace.

On days where I have battled her tantrums, her desire to communicate but lack of ability, and her general orneriness, I am floored by the whispers of grace from the Lord. In moments when I am angry and overwhelmed, He calls me not to stay in that place of frustration. He beckons me to extend the same humbling grace to her tiny heart that God poured out for me on Calvary. Joy needs me to be the mom who can brush off a bad day or string of unfortunate events because I too have been forgiven and experienced the miracle of grace first hand. Since I’ve been transformed by the power of true forgiveness, God calls me to move past the frustration parenting a child on the spectrum can bring and demonstrate the power of God’s forgiveness to her.

Those whispers of grace remind me to forgive myself when I have moments of questioning and feel defeated. Those whispers of grace remind me that He has already forgiven my occasional “bad mom attitude” and feeling of selfishness. The beauty of grace is that it is not a one time occurrence. His mercies are new EVERY morning and every minute. He is ready to wipe the slate clean time and time again, in moments I have it all together and times I struggle with failure.

Grace in our house means banishing the thoughts of the bad days as far as the east is to the west, just as God does with our sin.

Grace means meeting Joy in her weakest moments and loving her despite her behaviors, just as God forgives us.

Grace means recognizing her total dependence and reliance on us, just as we have a desperate need for the Lord.

Grace IS amazing!!!